NEW YORK, N.Y., Oct. 29, 2001 — You know the saying. It’s you know who‘s workshop. Herewith some suggestions for the citizenry of the state of Arizona to avoid that very pitfall:

Because it’s clear they need hobbies, interests, diversions, whatever. No more than 20 days ago, they hosted their first baseball playoff game of the 2001 season, and 42,251 people showed up. The following day, after a scintillating 1-0 victory, that figure fell by 300 people. (Boy, do they ever have a baseball jones, huh?) Four days later, with the season on the line and a deciding home game facing them, almost 43,000 sauntered into the BOB. I shudder to ask where they hunted up the additional six to seven thousand zombies to fill the seats in World Series games one and two.

With all due respect, what’s wrong with stamp collecting? I’m told individuals who roll bits of aluminum foil into lifelong-growing spheres rarely run out of party conversation. And if those time-tested examples appear to be too conventional, the Web can offer assistance, as I’m sure you can imagine — or find out for yourselves, by visiting the likes of www.airsicknessbags.com or www.ihateclowns.com.

Predicting the future is not a hobby of mine (nor is showing up at sold-out events that attract “buzz” to glow in whatever light and warmth they may emit). But I can assure you that, rain or shine, 56,000 to 57,000 baseball fans (paid attendance figures — as well as security and traffic levels — could take a hit from the size of President Bush’s entourage) will congregate in the Bronx tomorrow night, and they’ll be there because they’re serious about the game, and about their team.

Wouldn’t it be a pity if the D’backs players and their fans mistook what they saw in Phoenix in the NLDS or in Atlanta in the NLCS as fan passion? Wouldn’t it be something if the ghosts of the Cathedral and the citizen-fans of the greatest city and team in the world were waiting for them tomorrow night?

YANKEE BASEBALL!!!